at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
