You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
