Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
