It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
