420 ftw
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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