I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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