true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
