Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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