No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
