I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize