when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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