Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
