I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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