After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
