Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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