Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
