I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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