Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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