The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
