do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
