Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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