im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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