I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
