we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
