Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize