So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
