Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
