They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
