it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
