I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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