it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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