my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
