i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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