Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
its liver damage thursday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
