Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
