Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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