His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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