Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
