Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
