the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
