there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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