he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
