he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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