One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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