My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
