I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
