Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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