My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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