fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
