OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is Oprah even human
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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