Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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