Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
