I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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