dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
