She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
