My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bring money and cleavage
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize