He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
