the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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