i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found the puke drawer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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