Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
