guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
