i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
