garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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